RuneScape Journal: Explaining the Unexplainable
by Moosashi
Summary: The journal of a man in RuneScape who is trying to keep himself sane while exploring and giving his best assumptions as to why RuneScape is the way it is.
1. Entry 1: Vocabulary

A.N. It's been awhile since I've written, not to mention that this is also my first RuneScape fanfic. I don't expect it to be my best work, but it will get better. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.

Hello buddy! If you are reading this, then it appears that you have found my journal in one of those creepy bookcases that usually make you think, "Oh, there's nothing I would ever want to read in here," or "I don't see anything interesting." Wooot, totally exciting, eh? Yeah, I thought so, too. This obviously contains my life record of events, which is my tale of trying to keep insanity from over taking me in the land you so call "RuneScape." It is a very broken world, in which the lot of things are unexplained. But alas, I try my best to introduce you to these things and give completely logical explanations that _must_ be true.

Before you begin wondering what my name is, let me tell you that I took the liberty of erasing it from this journal. My name is…

…Unimportant to the likes of a random chap like you. But, I suppose I could tell you a bit about myself. You know, maybe describe what I look like. Anywho, here goes. I have red spiky hair that is totally awesome. I'm the height of, well you should know this, I'm the same height of every other person in this odd world. Scary, is it not? On my head I wear a Tan Cavalier. I usually wear those sweet Ahrims robes around, minus the hood and staff. I wear Rune Boots, Barrows Gloves, an Amulet of Power, a Gold Fremnik Cape and Ring of Wealth. In my hands I wield a Rune Kite and Abyssal Whip. I believe that's enough describing.

Now then, turn the page, read on, and be amazed…

Entry #1:

"Wait, What Did You Say?"

What did he say? I mean, what does _that_ word mean anyways? Noob? What the freak is a 'noob'?

Yeah, that's right; you'd better walk away! Of course, however, I didn't get my question answered. It's rather odd what people say in this world. I've heard things that, well, quite frankly, I have no idea what they mean or how people even pronounce the words…er, if they even are words.

Zomg: Okay…I haven't the slightest idea of what you just said or how you just said that. Is that some kind of fruit?

Choob: That somehow reminds me of 'noob'. What a coincidence, no? Once again, I haven't the slightest idea of its meaning. Wait wait, I got it! Let's just say it's a fruit also and be done with it.

Froob: Nope. Nothing.

Wtf:Wait, I think I have something! It's an acronym of some sort. But that's all I have.

Omg:Maybe another acronym?

Ftw:For The Win! Right? Right? Took me a while, but after asking countless people and hearing, "Lol noob" from those countless people, I finally found someone smart enough to tell me. Yeah…I have a way with people. It's part of my mad skills.

Ftl:For The Lose…? How is that reassuring? Right, let's just stick with that.

Pl0x: Not sure, but I like it! Sounds so cool!

People need to expand their vocabulary to words that ACTUALLY exist.

A.N. Short, but oh well. Will update in a day or so. Review pl0x...


	2. Entry 2: Castle Wars

A.N. All right, first chapter blew. This one is better. I'm hoping I'll get more reviews, but I thank that one reviewer. I wasn't expecting a review on the first chapter, it really surprised me! Anyway, I shouldn't ramble too much.

Entry #2:

"Castle Wars"

I needed to clear my mind, and what not better way to do it then with a friendly game of Capture the Flag. Boy was I wrong…

Well here I am, sitting in this greatly decorated room with a dirt floor. Yeah, there was sarcasm there, haha, I crack myself up sometimes. Hmm, it _seemingly_ resembles a cave, although I'm not implying anything. Oh lookie! There are white, magical words floating in the air! Cool!

Time until next game starts: 7

Those are some very informative words I must say. I wonder how they are floating…probably cheap strings holding them up. I want to reach up and touch them, but for some odd reason, people in this world cannot jump unless they are in certain areas. And this is not one of those "certain areas."

People are pouring in now, and those cool words now read:

Time until next game starts: 5

It's really cool how we get this head gear. These red hoods and capes are so stylish. Okay, here we go. Game is about to start. I'm so pumped up.

Oh yes, Bandages! And check this out; there is an unlimited supply of them. This is much better then I thought. Bandages, Energy-Field doors, Explosive Pots, Rope, Rocks, Bronze Pickaxes, Barricades, and even Buckets and water taps; it's all here. This is a dream come true. With my eight-teen Bandages, four Explosive Pots, and four Barricades, I set out down a ladder and into some bizarre tunnels.

Man these Explosive Pots rock! You just pour the liquid over something and ka-powie! Gone, in an intense explosion. These Barricades are cool, too. It's rather funny that people can't walk over them, and that even though they see it, they run right into it and sit there for a minute or so. Then they finally get enough sense to walk around it. Hehe, man I love this.

Hey, wait a minute…Whoa! What the heck!? That dude just died! Oh no, I've changed my mind; I don't want to play any more! Guthix have mercy!

Ow. Pain. That mean ranger! He won't stop shooting me with that bow. Then again, although it's killing me, it's a pretty sweet bow. It looks like it's made out of crystal. Ooooohhh…shiny too! And get this; it fires these sweet energy-like arrows! Nifty, isn't it? I want it. I remember killing someone before. He dropped all of his stuff. Maybe if I kill this ranger I will get that awesome bow of his. Here goes…

Heck yes! Go me! I just owned that guy. He didn't stand a chance against me. Heh, he falls before my feet now…

…

……

………

Where's the sweet bow and that black leatherish armor he was using? I want my victory spoils, give me what is rightfully mine!

…

……

………

Nothing. That's not cool. I really had my hopes up on getting that gnarly bow. What a drag.

What's this? Hey, it's that ranger…again?! How the heck? I just clobbered you dude! And guess what, he doesn't have a scratch on him. What, is he some meta-human? Agh, what a pain. Guess I'll have to kill him again. Bam, whoosh, pow. Owned. That's right, you can't touch this. He calls me a defence noob as he falls before my feet once more. Alright, so I get the defence part, but care to explain to me what a 'noob' is? I guess he's just jealous of my mad skills.

Aw, I didn't get the bow this time either. That's not cool. Uh-oh. Guess who's back? Yeah, Mr. Ranger. Ahh! He brought some huge dude with a giant axe this time! Run away! Ahh, that big axe hurts! He's good. At this rate, I don't stand a chance. Think, think, think…

I got it! I just poured out that tubular Explosive Pot liquid out on the ground in front of me. Yeah, I'm I genius. I figured that it would blow him sky high. Hmm, something isn't right here. Hold on, let me run through this again.

Aw crap!

There was a big explosion, and for some reason it only hurt me. How pathetic can this day get? How pathetic can I get? I mean, I must be a total moron to forget that by pouring the liquid in front of me, I'd be putting myself in danger. Yikes, I should be worrying more about the giant axe coming at me again. Ouch, hurt, pain. I fell to the ground, and then everything went black…er, brown?

I'm back in that brown room with the bandages. How is that possible? Didn't I just blow myself up and get beat down by a giant axe? How odd…but I shouldn't complain. After all, I'm alive, right?

But still…I wanted that sparkly bow…

A.N. Better then the last I believe. Longer too. Next entry is Woodcutting. Review please!


	3. Entry 3: Woodcutting

A.N. W00t! Woodcutting is here! Took me awhile to update, sorry about that. But oh well, here it is. Thanks again to all the reviewers! I hope you're enjoying this story.

Entry #3:

"Woodcutting"

Well, after I was done with CTF, I decided to do something more relaxing. Ah, the art of woodcutting. It is splendid, is it not?

I grabbed my axe from that weird bank chest. I wonder how that thing works…

…Hmm. Item goes in. Item comes out. Odd, when I look into the chest I don't see any items at all. There's nothing in it. Stupid magic. Why can't I just take the items everyone puts in there? Bleh, whatever. I should focus on the task at hand, which is woodcutting.

So I walk over to some yew trees. There is some guy here, he seems to have the same idea that I have. Yeah, woodcutting owns…or so I thought.

Here I am, throwing multiple axe chops at the tree. Agh, why is it that there isn't a single axe mark in this tree? I am getting logs, but come-on, this tree should be no more by now. I've took what, one hundred swings at it? Yep, nothing. Nothing at all. This guy next to me isn't damaging the tree either.

All righty, bout' time. Hehe, the tree is gone! That dude next to me is swinging at the air. And now he's calling me really mean things! He called me stupid, and he told me to go away. Pfft, why should I leave? I don't see your name on this tree…place. Yeah, you can't tell me to do anything.

Oh, lookie! Another tree! Hmm, hold the phone; I just chopped that tree down two and a half minutes ago. And yet, right there, in the exact same spot, is the SAME EXACT tree. What the CRAP do they fertilize these trees with, super steroids for trees? I had yet to see a tree grow to it's full height in two minutes, twenty-nine seconds, and 42.3 meter-seconds…until now.

Oh well, that will speed up the log production. You know, it's really cool how when I cut the tree, I magically get not just one log, but three logs perfectly stacked! It's very cool, so that means not only do I get twenty-eight logs, but really I get eighty-four! Sweet, huh? Yeah, I thought so too.

Holy cow! A Tree Spirit! And she's hot, too! Oh, look how she gracefully levitates over to me…ahh, so pretty.

Ow. She hurt me, and is telling me to leave this place. Leave? But I thought, that you…me…you don't love me? Oh, that's it. Noone turns down me. You're going down!

That's right, you can't hit me through my sweet prayer and uber high defence. Suck axe! Although I am winning by landslide, I do give her credit for attempting. But, you just can't win when you are fighting something as powerful as me, not to mention you would be greatly distracted by my mad skills and extremely good looks.

Owned, just like that. Oh, Nature Runes! Cool! Well, now that that's resolved, I can go back to woodcutting. Chop, chop, chop. A Bird Nest just hit me in the head. Man I hate birds, they are pointless. All they do is chirp and fly around with their stupid wings. So useless, what a pathetic waste of—hold on. I see something shiny in that nest! Holy…I take it all back. I love birds. Whatever bird laid this sweet gold ring is my favorite now. Bleh, too many distractions. Back to woodcutting.

Uh-oh, that guy is really angry now. I somehow keep chopping this tree down in one swing. Must be my mad skills again. But that's beside the point. He's extremely angry with me. He's calling me 'noob,' 'choob,' and a bunch of other weird, alien words. All right all right! Jeez, I'll leave. Chill out man.

A.N. Short, once again. I'll try my best to make one over 1,000 words. Well, I'm off. Please leave your thoughts in the form of a review. Thanks!


	4. Entry 4: I Want Free Stuff!

A.N. It's been a while since I last updated. I hope noone is too furious with me. Please don't hurt me! But, wait, there's more! I put up two chapters instead of one this time to make up for lost time. This time I will make reference to random girls who beg for free stuff. Well, here it is. Enjoy!

Entry #4:

"I Want Free Stuff!"

So here I am…bored. I have nothing to do, and I'm sitting in Lumbridge. I'm just walking along, minding my own business when some lady starts to follow me. I didn't think anything of it at first, but after a while I finally stopped to see why she was following me. She steps in front of me and demands I give her items. Uh, Okay. I decide it wouldn't hurt to spare an item or two. I reach into my backpack and pull out a bronze scimitar that I had found on the ground a while back. I hand it to her and give a cheerful smile.

She is now asking for something better. What, a bronze scimitar isn't good enough for you? Well, Okay I suppose. I lead her into the nearby Bank Chest, which was in the Lumbridge Castle Basement, and begin searching through my belongings. I made a big mistake in pulling out my Dharoks Great Axe. She must have seen in, because she asked me to give it to her. I firmly told her no and began to set in back in the bank chest when it happened.

She began to _flirt_.

She walked up behind me and started blowing kisses to me. I almost laughed at her because she was blowing kisses to my back. It was a funny scene really. I stood up and turned to face her. She just kept bringing her hand to her mouth, kissed her hand, and blew over the top of her hand. Yeah, that's pretty much it. I wanted so bad to laugh at her.

She kept doing that for a while, and then I finally blurted, "You idiot! You're only a foot away from me; stop blowing kisses and just make out with me! Sheesh! Are you that stupid as to blow kisses to a guy in a desperate attempt to get free items? Making out with them works much better you freaking idiot!"

It must be that she was oblivious to what I had just said, or just so stupid that she didn't know the meaning of half the words in my speech, because she just started blowing kisses again. I gave out a long sigh and handed her some Rune equipment. She took it and seemingly thought she had won because she did a small "victory dance." If it weren't for her being tremendously cute, I would have never given her anything.

She had brown hair done in child-like pigtails. Her face was like that of an angel—cute and innocent—and her smile gave such a warm aura to compliment her facial features. She was only a bit shorter then me (Only because of my spiky hair), and wore a Green Dragon-Hide Top, Chaps, and Vambraces. The Top cut off at her shoulders, leaving them exposed along with the rest of her arms besides her wrists. The Green Dragon-Hide Top also stopped mid-way down her stomach, leaving the area around her belly button exposed as well. She wore boots made of Adamant, which matched her Green Dragon-Hide Armor. On her head she wore nothing, leaving her silky-soft thick hair to glint in the light.

But let's face the facts—she was a freaking idiot.

A.N. Short again. But hey, what did you expect? Just be patient and soon I will make a very long chapter. Review pl0x.


	5. Entry 5: Mining Is Fun

A.N. Well, like always this one is short too. I personally think this is one of the better ones, but that's just my opinion.

Entry #5:

"Mining is Fun"

The Rune Pickaxe in the Bank Chest caught my attention. I grasped it and suddenly felt the urge to mine. I hated mining, but it was one of those times when you felt the need to do it, and in this case the thing I had to do was mine. I shut the bank chest.

Yeah-ya! Mining time!

I made my way to the small mine just south of Lumbridge. I saw two types of rock and an odd man walking around the mine. I talked to him, but it was as if he could only teach me how to mine. Bleh, what a waste. Is that his entire life? Sitting here in this small, not-even-worth-mentioning mine? Whatever. I'm here to mine, not drabble to this pointless man.

Here goes! Wham! Oh yeah, there goes some ore! Bronze Ore! Holy cow, go me! Let's mine some more…and more…and more…and more…and, all right, this is creeping me out. It's frighteningly similar to "Woodcutting." I pound the rock with this strong pickaxe, and it doesn't chip or even dent. And another similarity is that the ore magically re-appears, as if it had never been touched. Pound rock, get ore, ore comes back. Is this all there is to mining? Where is the fun in this? And how does this ore come back so fast?! Doesn't it take years of pressure, and heat, and all that other scientific crap to make it? AND WHY THE HECK DOES IT SEEM LIKE I SUCK THE ORE OUT OF THE ROCK?! AND BY SUCKING THE ORE OUT OF THE ROCK I MEAN IT TURNS BLACK AND IS STILL IN PERFECT CONDITION! What, did they fertilize this area with steroids for rocks like it so seemingly thought to be with the two minute, twenty-nine seconds, and 42.3 meter second respawning trees? Too many questions…my head hurts.

Uh-oh, here comes that lady who I just gave free stuff to. Is she stalking me? Sigh, oh well. I am a hot guy with uber mad skills, after all. Ladies flocking to me is a common thing. Ah-choo! Oh, sorry, I sneeze a lot. Someone told me before that it happens when I lie. Come-on, what are the chances of a super-stitious thing like that?

She must have seen the pickaxe and saw that I was going to mine. She has good judgment; I give credit for that. But still, being alone in her presence is a bit frightening. Who knows what she might try to pull.

She goes across from me and starts mining some tin. I saw her struggling as she tried to mine. I laughed at her. She has nothing on my mad skills. Speaking of which, they seem like they are beginning to kick in. Oooohhh yeah, go me! Mining these rocks without even touching them! All I do is simply lift the pickaxe over my head and ta-daa! I get ore! Sweet, eh? You bet it is!

Hmm, this is boring. I already have fourteen pieces of both bronze and tin. That's it; I'm leaving. Oh, what's this? How the heck is she doing that? Yeah, in "she" I mean that creepy lady who is stalking me. She is bending over and back up so fast that it's a blur. Is that possible? I mean, wouldn't you like snap your spine or something? Riiiight…I wonder if that's what I look like when my mad skills aren't helping me mine. Whatever, I'm exhausted. Need sleep…oh wait, never mind. That's right, us RuneScape people don't sleep. Beds are just for decoration…

A.N. I personally hate mining. It's the worst skill in the game if you ask me. "Pound rock, get ore, ore comes back." That sums up mining right there. It's very boring and frustrating. Anywho, R3vi3w Pl0x.


	6. Entry 6: Slayer

A.N. I'll be honest—I didn't feel like typing more of this for a while there. I'm sorry for the delay.

Entry #6:

"Slayer"

Anger, hate, distaste, annoyance, resentment, fury, rage, irritation, wrath, ferocity, vehemence, violence; beat, pound, crush, bash, slash, slice, cut, dismember, mutilate, harm, hurt, maim, wound, pierce, penetrate, stab, clobber, smash, strike, batter, pummel, whack; kill, murder, slaughter, execute, destroy, eradicate, exterminate, eliminate, decimate, demolish, devastate, ravage, wreck, ruin, break, shatter…**SLAY**!

Gah, my head! It hurts…I can't think of any more words that have to deal with violence and killing! I'm angry by the way, if you haven't noticed. I feel the need to kill something. No, saying that would be lying to you. I feel the need to rip something apart, smite it's face into the ground, smear it with my Rune Boots, then pick it back up and repeat the process until it is no more. That's what I feel I need to do, and by gosh I'll do it!

Well, this could work out for me better then I thought. I could learn how this "Slayer" business works and kill stuff—I mean, rip stuff apart, smite their faces into the ground, smear them with my Rune Boots, then pick them back up and repeat the process until they are no more. Hey look! A Slayer Master!

Hey, he knows my name! That's kind of creepy. I'm a bit scared now, but I need to stay concentrated! Oh, he gave me a shiny gem. It looks like a gem, however this Slayer Master is telling me otherwise. Pfft, like I care? Hey man, I'll probably end up selling this thing on the black market—er, I mean, I'll store it safely in my bank! Yeah, that's it.

He has some pretty nifty gear for sale: some nice ear muffs, some fishing explosives—could have fun with those—some staff that I'm not interested in, a pimp face mask, and a bunch of other paraphernalia. I think I'll buy that mask. Yes! I look like a pimped-out-gangster with this thing! This thing at least _triples_ my good looks!

Well, it's about time you told me to go kill stuff. Lucky me, I get to go kill ten wolves! He didn't specify what type of wolf, so I'm guessing any type works. It's clobberin' time! Oh, wait; that phrase is copyrighted, isn't it? Not that I would know about that…

Here I am, on White Wolf Mountain, fighting these sad snow wolves. They have nothing, and I mean nothing whatsoever on me. My mad skills are just too much for them to handle. Hmm…something isn't right here. Aren't wolves social animals? I see that they are together in a pack, sort of; but wouldn't they fight together too? Not just one-on-one combat? I figured they'd all be on me, like all those wolf stories where people get mauled by wolves. Heh, then again, what would it matter? I'm far too good for these small fries.

Well, there goes the tenth wolf. My work here is done. I'll return to that Slayer Master for another task. I'm hoping this one is much more challenging.

Whoa! That wolf if _HUGE!_ Look at that thing! Ahh! It's coming closer! Eep! Down boy, down! Dang this wolf is tough! He's not going down easily like the others, and he's much more fierce. He's taking my Abyssal Whip like it's nothing.

My arm! Oh my freaking—he won't let go of my arm! Oh the in-humanity! Sharp teeth digging into my arm…pain! Teleport, teleport, teleport!

Phew, barely made it out of that one. I love how I can just teleport out of harms way. It's so great. Now, enough rambling; back to the Slayer Master. Oh, I got another task: Kill eighty-two bats. Eighty-two flipping bats, how ghetto can these assignments get? Oh well, I guess I have to do what he tells me to.

Well, I found some bats. Actually, I found a ton of bats. I see at least one hundred in this cave. All right punks! It's time someone taught you a lesson!

Eek! Oh my gosh! Mercy! These bats are eating me alive and I'm screaming like a little girl! I gotta get out of here!

Phew, close call there. Heh, those bats are tough. I pity anyone that goes into that cave. Those bats have mad skills that rival my own; and that's tough! There's a lesson in this somewhere, though I'm not seeing it. Whatever, screw Slayer. It's not worth getting eaten alive by bats with mad skills.

A.N. Well, truthfully I hate pesky Slayer assignments like killing bats. It's quite annoying. Once again, I'm very sorry for the long delay in updating. School starts up again soon for me, and that should put me in a writing mood. Oh, the joys of high school...


	7. Entry 7: The Art of Firemaking

A.N. Yes, it has been a super long time since the last update. I'm a slacker, what can I say? Well, here it is. Enjoy!

Entry #7:

"The Art of Firemaking"

Fire; such a confusing word. I mean, honestly; some people say it's a bad thing, being destructive and all, yet some say it is a good thing, allowing us to cook with it and eat a wide variety of foods. I personally agree with the "good" views of it. And, speaking of fire, I have the sudden unnatural urge to burn stuff.

Sweet, I have like five thousand willow logs in my bank. Is it just some random coincidence, or is it just my mad skills again? Probably my mad skills. I surprise even myself sometimes…

Well, time to burn. I got my tinderbox, and twenty-six willow logs with me along with some other type of log. Ooohhh!! I'm so excited! This is going to be sooooooo fun! I feel all giddy! Here goes…setting the logs down now…I can feel the adrenaline rush! Got my match…lighting the match…and…FIRE! Yes, fire! Beautiful, warm, soothing fire! My eyes can barely behold such a sight! Must make more fire; fire good, fire very good…

I attempt to light the logs. The fire catches and the logs begin to burn. Oh yeah, I'm good. Once more…! I attempt to light the logs. The fire catches and the logs begin to burn. Woot! Mad skills right there. Hold on, one more time. I attempt to light the logs…

…

……

………

…………

Oh, what is this? Jibbed! These logs are like, duds or something. They won't light no matter what. Hmm, there has to be something wrong here…

Hey, I know, I'll go consult that Fire Master guy. Yeah, he'll know what to do for sure. So, here I am now in the middle of some tree-cluttered area south of Seer's Village with this guy who claims himself to be "The Master of Fire." Dude, I really don't care about that, though you do have a gnarly cape, but, all I want to know is why these logs won't light. He gives me this really creepy glare, looking at me like I'm some type or moron. He tells me that I'm not skilled enough to light this log type. I started laughing, few snorts came out, I couldn't help it. I told him that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, but I shut up when I saw him take my tinderbox and light the logs.

After a long lecture from "The Master of Fire," I began to wonder what else I could do with my firemaking skills. I collected various items: a piece of Flax, a Mining Helmet, a Fire Rune, and my trusty Abyssal Whip.

One by one, starting with the Mining Helmet, I took my tinderbox and began experimenting.

Oddly, when you take a match to a Mining helmet, the light turns on. What is up with that? I'm beginning to think there's more to these matches then meets-the-eye. I mean, this small Tinderbox _does_ hold an infinite number of matches. I extinguished the Mining Helmet and lit it up again, and repeated the process as if I was awe-struck.

Next, I tried it with the Fire Rune. Nothing interesting happened, sadly. It was now time for the flax.

I set the piece of Flax down, and whipped out a match from the Tinderbox. I lit the match, and placed the flame on the flax. I waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, AND WAITED. Nothing interesting happened. Wait a freaking second. IT'S A FREAKING PLANT! Don't plants burn? This thing should be combusting into a massive fire show by now! Grr, I'm getting frustrated with all this Firemaking business…

Well, one item left—my trusty Abyssal Whip. I had this bad feeling in my gut, but according to my experiments "totally awesome results" so far, I knew nothing could go wrong. Boy was I wrong…whoa, bit of deja vu there.

I held my trusty Abyssal Whip out in front of me, letting it hang down like a fully extended rope. I took a match from the Tinderbox, lit it, and placed it at the end of my trusty Abyssal Whip.

I screamed. Yes, a girly scream; a scream much similar to that of the bat-incident's one. My trusty Abyssal Whip went up in flames and quickly burned into a smoldering pile of ashes…

A.N. I took some near-direct quotes from RuneScape, as you might have seen, such as "The fire catches and the logs begin to burn." Also, the "deja vu" part is making reference to Chapter two. If you don't believe me, go look in the last sentence of the first paragraph in Chapter two. Now, I promise the next chapter will be up much faster, so don't worry.


End file.
